Monday, December 05, 2005

Snow hysteria

I can't help but laugh. The local tv personnel have staked out Lowe's & Home Depot (giving them free advertising) to let us know how much salt, sand & snow shovels are on hand. Or perhaps you'd prefer a snow blower 'cuz you know, shoveling 5" twice or thrice a winter may either kill you or- worse, throw out your back. And you've already used up your sick days going to Nationals and Redskins games.

We also need camera crews beside our major highways; discussing traffic flow, flakes, humans & snow; hunting for snowplows & generally wreaking havoc in a metro area already known to be the third worst in the entire country in terms of traffic jams. Seriously, the traffic radio channel reported a tv crew filming beside a major traffic artery & thus causing a huge rubbernecker backup. No, it wasn't snowing at the time. Traffic is horrible enough as it is without the media screwing things up in their unending efforts to raise their ratings.

What else has happened this morning? I went to the corner store looking for diet coke, mini marshmallows & Luzianne tea bags. It was not quite nine am. They had four gallons of milk left and no toilet paper. I ask you- what the hell is it about snow that causes people to stockpile paper products?! Are these people constipated all the time & snowfall induces their bowels to move so much so that they need mass quantities of TP? The cashier made sure to tell me that they haad arranged for another milk dleivery & paper products even then were being delived to the stockroom. I smiled at her & told her we were well stocked.

It is now..12:30, give or take. Several counties around me have decided to dismiss school an hour or two early today. There is no snow falling here. But it might!! Maybe it'll be dangerous for the buses. If they wait too long it'll be snowy & (are you ready?) dark when the little ones come home. OH NOOOO!! Snowy & Dark too. Help, help! The winter warlock will get us! Remember him? He was in the Kris Kringle Santa Claus tv show.

So, what's a girl from northern New England to do amid the snow induced mass hysteria all around her? Turn on NPR, warm up some leftover meatloaf, surf & wait for the kids to come home early. Oh, yes. Laugh & laugh & laugh & laugh & laugh. Husband works with several people from Montana & Colorado, all of whom are amazed at the weird antics of metro DC denizens panicking at the possibility of a small snowfall.


Jenster said...

Oh Amanda!! I've had a few snickers today, but no real, honest to goodness laughs until I checked your blog!

You should see the people here. We get any wintery precipitation at all and everything is closed. It's a hoot. Of course, we tend to get more ice than snow and that is a bugger to drive on.

You make me very anxious for my move up your way! :o)


Tara Marie said...

Don't these people frighten you--LOL. We may be stuck in the house for what 7 hours, oh no, what will they do without 5 extra rolls of toilet paper, bottled water and enough milk for a dozen kids.

My sister worked at Agway when she was just out of high school, what used to shock her were the people who came out in a snow storm to buy a snow shovel.

I'm not sure which is worse, the hoarders or the cabin fever sufferers who head out in a 20 year old Chevy Chevette, just because they can't wait for the snow to stop.


PS We're having left over meatloaf (sandwiches) and homemade soup for dinner. Nothing better than comfort food on cold nights.

Bookwormom said...

Jenster- depending on where you all end up, your kids are likely to attend school on many days where there'd be mass panic where you are now. Don't worry though, you'll be busy retiling your new entryway or reading down Mt. TBR.

Tara- The ancedote about the 20 year old Chevette reminds me of a time shortly after we'd moved to VA from TX & had TX plates on a Toyota. It snowed, pretty heavily as I recall, & I'd run out to the store. A huge SUV pulled up next to me while I waited for a stoplight on a hill.

"Ma'am, aren't you better off at home? This weather is dangerous, you might get into an accident." You know, us fragile women really ought to stay home where we belong- especially when the weather is DANGEROUS, like a snowfall.

"Well, I think I'll be ok. I'm from New England, not TX." The light turned green & I pulled away. Looking in the rearview mirror I watched & laughed hysterically as the hulking SUV, trying to gun its way up the slope backslid into the car behind it. Awfully meanspirited of me I admit, but it pleased me no end.

Half an hour later I puttered by the accident slowing long enough to honk & wave out my window cheerily. Thinking about that day still makes me smile.

alibug said...

Nothing beats my old diesel Chevette. I had to plug it in on cold winter nights in the mountains. Seriousy, with a long extension cord running to my apartment. It had a bumber sticker from our native NH that said in black on bright caution yellow: Brake for Moose. Apparently a problem in NH. Not so much in Virgnia. My husband tells me that's why he married me.